Thursday, 19 May 2011

Goth Lulz: My Immortal

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie (also known as XXXbloodyrists666XXX or goffikgurl666) is a Harry Potter fan-fiction that is such a grandiose piece of literature, that it should be passed on for generations because of its sheer genius. The main character, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way should be considered a Goth icon for being the most GOFFICK of all GOFFS. The writing, is like looking into the eyes of Satan (geddit coz Im goffick). The language, is complete utter beauty. When you read My Immortal, you will be reborn.

Let's start off with the main character, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (Also known as Enoby, Eboby, Egogy, TaEbory or Tara). She is a 17-year-old Goth vampire witch with long ebony black hair (that's where she got the name) with purple streaks and red tips who is an absolute beauty. She dons Hot Topic clothing, hates preps and posers, and listens to very Gothic bands such as Good Charlotte, My Chemical Romance, Simple Plan, Marilyn Manson, Linkin Park, Evanescence and Green Day. She is Draco Malfoy's girlfriend, but still manages to make out with everyone else in the story. Throughout the story, she has sex with Draco and some others, flips off preps, does drugs, travels back in time, makes almost every male in the story infatuated with her, cuts herself, attempts suicide with a "steak", rambles on how hot X lead singer of Y band is, etc...

THAT, my friends, is GOTH.

Anyway, the story doesn't have a concrete plot line and constantly stops just to describe someone's clothing or make-up, comment on how hot someone is, or some other random thing. I mean, what is this story actually about? It just goes on and on and never ends. There are so many spelling and grammatical errors that it would make anyone's Spell-Check explode. The sex scenes are just plain unnecessary, laughable and not sexy at all.

And the canon... No, it wasn't raped. No, it was much more than that. It was raped, mutilated, chopped up, eaten and vomited. Almost all of the Harry Vampire Potter characters are Satanist bisexual vampire Goths. Muggle bands are allowed to performed in Hogsmeade, an all-wizard village. Draco and Harry Vampire love each other. Hedwig is no longer Harry's Vampire's pet owl, but Voldemort's bisexual ex-lover.

Oh, and did I mention Marty McFly from Back to the Future makes a cameo in this story? Yeah. Here's some Don Q and a noose.

My Immortal was originally posted on from 2006-2007 by the user XXXbloodyrists666XXX. It is no wonder that this beautiful work of art caught the attention of many people around the interwebz and spawned many flames, parodies, trolling and lulz. It became one of Fanfiction's most read and reviewed (Over 10,000 reviews) works ever, and caused much debate in the fan-fiction community. Before each chapter, Tara would give a very badly-spelled preface telling all the prepz and poserz to stop flaming her work, and that she would not post another chapter until she got an x amount of "revoiws". In fact, let me quote a few:
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

Everyone was all bonny and gay, until... Late 2008. was deleting various stories from its website and My Immortal was one of them.
Main reason for removal: "Disregard for proper language: grammar, spelling, punctuation, and etc." The above story has been removed because it violated the guideline detailed on the upload page.
I think it's because is filled with a bunch of preps that listen to Hillary Duff and Avril Lavigne.

Many have tried to re-upload the story on, but alas, no prevail. Since it could not be uploaded on, the story finally got hosted on an stable external site "to ensure that the world could still follow its #1 pastime of laughing at retards" (Encyclopædia Dramatica). Still, there is a petition asking for My Immortal to be put back online here. Also, you can try and upload it on in protest.

My Immortal is indeed a milestone in the history of the internet. It paints a portrait of beauty, stupidity and lulz. It is absolutely necessary to read this if you want to be Goth. And I assure you: when you start reading this story, you will start out with about 4 billion brain cells. When you finish: 4.
"My Immortal has since become a sort of 'internet pilgrimage,' a journey taken willingly by those wishing to become more at one with the lulz. It's a harsh journey, and many have fallen along the path. But if you persevere and manage to read the story the whole way through, you'll be a stronger person because of it."  
-Encyclopædia Dramatica

 Related stuffs:
My Immortal drinking game (Play it at own risk)
A magnificent dramatic reading of My Immortal
My Immortal the live-action series
My Immortal Fan Club on Facebook

*I do not own any of the pictures nor "My Immortal".

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